PAYBACK'S A BITCH

So, to add insult to injury, I owe the federal government $587 in taxes. As my parents so kindly pointed out, it's probably because not enough is being taken out of my paycheck. That really only made me feel worse, it's not as though I can really afford to make that much less.

I came about as close to having a nervous breakdown as I would allow myself last night, and probably would've just gone for it if I'd thought it would do any good. In hindsight, I should've because while I'm still on the edge this morning now it would just seem out of context.

I'm tired of spending my first seven minutes awake each day staring at the ceiling and wondering what major fuck up of mine this day will highlight. I'm basically tired of always feeling like I've done something wrong.

(to which the logical response would be: then stop fucking up! yes, well, without goals where would I be?...)

Mainly, I'm irritated because my life isn't really that bad! Aspects of it are not as I'd like, but that's only one small corner. 90% of things are fucking awesome AND even the weather cooperated this morning! Even if the buses did not. I don't want to feel stressed, I don't want to be perpetually one inane disaster away from total meltdown, I want to be the happy-go-lucky person I normally am. I miss her! I don't fret as well as I goof.

Fucking taxes.